I haven't been on deviant art for months, sorry. What with school, work, boyfriend, and friends my life is kinda busy. I'm rather depressed today, have been most of the week actually, and I don't really know why. I'm having trouble at work, or my pride is as my boss says. Supposedly I have to learn to either take blame, or keep my mouth shut while others blame me. Now don't get me wrong, if I'm sure I made a mistake, I'll gladly admit it and apologize. But it bugs me when I make a mistake that someone a step higher then me on the employment ladder can inform me to fix, but they don't, they just run to someone a few steps higher then them and whine. The proper thing to do would be explaining it to the lower person then telling them to fix it, but no, rather then talking to me they'd rather hear me get a lecture from the hihest up then just telling me what I'm doing wrong. It drives me nuts, if employee relations doesn't lighten up soon enough I'm skipping my last two months and writing my resignation letter early. The employees are acting like children and because they'd rather whine to the boss then actually talk to someone I have a pride problem. I know that logic makes no sense, but thats all the more reason I'm angry.

School is getting better though, and by getting better I do mean getting closer to the end. As much as I enjoyed my time there, I can't wait for it to be over so I can get back to working full time, save some money, get my liscense, find a cheap car... you know the deal, I'm dying to get out on my own, away from everybody around here. I want to start over, find some new friends, a new job, a new neighborhood. The boyfriend doesn't seem to want that though, so i'm considering finding someone else to come with me, but of course none of my friends like me enough to drop everything for me. Well, none of my current friends anyway, I was thinking of calling up old boyfriends, not to crawl back to them or anything, just to see if I could get the old gang together again. We did some dangerous shit but, I don't know if I really want that life again. Although I don't have much choice, it's live home and end up hanging myself or going to jail for killing my family, or getting out and going to jail for getting caught with convicts. I don't want to end up like my sisters, I want to go the right way, I want to be a good person, and live with someone I know and love, I want to go to college, and be the best cook I can, but of course everything is limited to me. I want to go back to therapy to fix myself, but I can't because if they let the government know of my condition they won't help me pay for school, they'll deem me unfit for work and i'll be stuck on wellfare. I'm not asking for a free ride, fuck anyone who knows me knows I work for everything I have. So until I finish college I can't seek help. I'll just have to keep self medicating with birth control and energy drinks. Just one more year of hiding and pretending to be normal.